


Bleeding Hearts

by Kyoki1125



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura is just a Massive Bitch, Dark Love-Bug AU, Emotions, Galra Keith (Voltron), Graphic Self-Harm, Hurt Keith (Voltron), I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, JUST, Keith (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Lance (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Love-Bug AU, M/M, Oblivious Lance (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Unreliable Narrator, mostly pain, no beta we die like men, so many feels, trance-like states
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:26:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28160118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyoki1125/pseuds/Kyoki1125
Summary: "Umm, Keith? You have a bug on your neck.""Awww, is Keithy afraid of a little buggy-boo?""It's an alien bug, Lance. I have the right to be wary about that.""What did I do? He's the one who moved.""Because you kept prodding him and making him angry! I bet you wanted it to bite him!"It was just an alien bug. That was it.No one thought one little bug bite would end up being this serious.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 36
Kudos: 262





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've kinda always wanted to do a Love-Bug AU, but as with everything I write, I decided to make it dark and angsty. 
> 
> This is going to get really serious. There are graphic descriptions of Self-Harm and several later scenes that could probably be counted as drug use, so I'm warning you now, this shit is going to get real dark. There will be some lighter scenes, but there's going to be a lot of really dark, really depressing, or really upsetting

"Where're the others? Why don't they have to suffer through this?" Lance complains, not for the first time and _certainly_ not the last. 

"Keith is off helping the Monoteisians deal with some kind of monster problem, and Shiro, Allura, and Coran are all at a diplomatic meeting with the main rulers of this planet."

Wow, what a convenient expositional sentence. Thanks, Pidge.

"Yeah, but I don't see why _I_ have to come with you and Hunk. Can't you get all this stuff by yourselves?"

"No. If we left you alone in the castle, something would explode. And there's a lot of stuff, and I really don't feel like carrying any massive pieces of alien tech."

"Why didn't we bring one of the Lions then? That would have been a lot easier than hauling stuff back to the castle by hand," Lance grumbles. 

"Alright, guys, stop arguing," Hunk says. "The Monoteisians really don't like having the Lions fly around. They're scared of things like that. Massive flying things that could destroy their entire civilizations. I don't blame them, really."

Right. The Monoteisians are a race that depends on emotions and empathy and peace, so of course they're scared of the Lions. Massive war machines that could decimate a planet if Voltron tried hard enough. Not that Shiro would ever let them. Even a dead and uninhabited planet. Or a random moon in space. 

It takes them several trips to get all the Monoteisian tech and plant cuttings back to the castle. Pidge and Hunk are insistent on taking everything, even the random plants that probably don't do anything interesting. All the planets rapidly change color whenever someone touches them, and while it's pretty, Lance has no idea why his turns bright orange while Pidge and Hunk's both turn this pinkish yellow. They're this perfect bleach white color whenever nothing touches them, which is both creepy and cool, in Lance's opinion. 

They're also slimy, and Lance thinks he saw a couple of rainbow-colored bugs crawling around on one, but it was gone so fast Lance is pretty sure he imagined it. 

"Alright, that should be everything. We'll have to sort through it now, though. Let's go through the tech first, and when Keith gets back, we can tackle the weird rainbow flowers."

"What are we looking for, exactly?" Lance asks, picking up a strange light green scanner thing. 

"Anything to improve the medical tech in the castle. Yeah, the healing pods are great, but we need some stuff in case one of us can't go into a pod for some reason," Hunk explains. "That looks like a thermometer?"

Lance huffs. _We're going to be here for a while._

* * *

Keith drags himself back into the castle. God, he's exhausted. Dealing with the weird neon snakes was enough, thank you. _They didn't have to drag me around to several different locations to clear out_ more _of them._ Keith would love nothing more than to collapse in bed and sleep for the next three forevers, but he knows Pidge and Hunk have a project they need help working on.

 _Which probably means Lance will be there,_ Keith thinks with a huff. Lance, who rambles on and on about how gorgeous the Princess is. Lance, the flirtiest person Keith has ever had the displeasure of meeting. Lance, the prettiest person on the castle. _Dammit._

Leave it to Keith to fall in love with a straight guy. A very flirty, outgoing straight guy. With a massive crush that everyone in space knows about. But, like the massive leech that Keith is, he's going to soak up every shred of attention that Lance gives him because he's sad and desperate. 

He finds the other Paladins in Pidge's lab, and they're pouring over this massive table of massive, multicolored flowers. _Okay. Was not expecting this._ "Hey, guys. What're you working on?"

"Oh! Keith! Perfect timing!" Pidge exclaims. She grabs a smaller flower and thrusts it in Keith's face. "Touch this!"

"Umm, why?"

"Because! It's for _science_!"

"It changes colors based on who's touching it," Hunk explains at Keith's questioning look. "Me and Pidge had this weird pink/yellow color a couple of hours ago, but Pidge's has turned into this neon yellow and mine's this super pretty magenta color. Lance has this orangish-red. We still don't know what it means."

Carefully, Keith takes the cutting out of Pidge's hands, watching as the eye-melting yellow quickly fades into a grayish-purple. The purple color then switches to a deeper purple, with small bits of grey and pink swirling through it occasionally.

"Wow! I've never seen that color before!" Pidge grabs Keith's hands, dragging them down so she can look at the flower more closely.

"Do you think it can sense that Keith's part Galra?" Hunk asks.

 _Not everything has to be about me being half-Galra,_ Keith thinks with a scowl. "I'm sure that has nothing to do with it, Hunk," Keith huffs.

"This is so cool," Pidge whispers, awed. 

Keith looks down at the flower in his hand. Now the purple has been almost completely swallowed by orange, a deeper shade than what he sees Lance holding. _Weird._ "So, what do you need me to do?"

"We're just sorting through the cuttings for fuller flowers so we can plant a couple. I think they'll be a real morale booster around the castle," Hunk says calmly. "I'm not as excited about Pidge with this stuff, but you have to admit, they're really pretty."

Keith sighs. "Yeah."

The work is strangely relaxing, just sorting through multicolored flowers and trying to ignore the way Lance drags his feet everywhere. _He does know he can leave, right?_ Keith is sure Pidge and Hunk would let Lance leave if he really doesn't want to help them out. He's been here for most of the day, too, so he must be tired. You'd think with how much Keith stares at Lance, he'd be able to read the Blue Paladin better. But, then again, Lance's whole reason to exist is to make life complicated, so of course trying to get a gauge on his emotions is going to be just as hard as trying to get him to do something he doesn't want to do. _Stubborn idiot,_ Keith thinks fondly. 

Dammit.

Keith should really try harder to kick this stupid crush. It's not like he has a chance with Lance anyway.

"Umm, Keith? You have a bug on your neck."

Keith has to fight not to jump. Now that he's paying attention, he can feel the small creature crawling up and down the skin of his neck. "What's it look like?"

"Big. Flat. Kinda beetle-looking. It's the brightest fucking green I've ever seen," Pidge says before Hunk can reply. "Try not to move too much. I'm going to trap it."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Hunk worries. "It could bite Keith!"

"I can handle a bug bite," Keith grumbles. 

"I'm pretty none of us want you to get bitten by a weird alien bug," Pidge comments. "Who knows? It could turn your skin blue. Or red. Or bright fucking green."

Lance gasps. "Pidgeon! Language! There are _children_ present."

"The space mice aren't even here, Lance." Pidge moves closer, a jar in her hands. "Hold really still, Keith. I need to study this thing."

"Just get it off," Keith huffs.

"Awww, is Keithy afraid of a little buggy-boo?" Lance teases. Lance also moves closer, a smirk on his face. A smirk that should not be as handsome as it is. _Goddammit!_

"Shut up, Lance."

And then Pidge is in his personal space. Keith can't help flinching when the cool glass of the jar presses against his neck. "Keith!" Pidge hisses. 

"Sorry."

"Let's try this again." Pidge goes for another grab, but Keith feels the bug move at the last second. Focusing on the movement of the bug has nausea churning in Keith's stomach. _Why'd it have to be a bug? An_ alien _bug at that._

"Just grab it already. Stop being so gentle about it," Lance says from behind Keith. "What's the worst it could do?"

"Well sorry if I don't want to get bit by an alien bug, Lance," Keith growls. The bug is crawling up his neck, right under his chin now. Is it going to climb up onto his face? _Please no._

"You don't have to be such a baby about it."

"It's an _alien bug_ , Lance. I have the right to be wary about that."

The bug makes its way onto Keith's jaw, now heading toward his ears. "Oh no," Lance drawls, "It's going to get lost in your mullet. We'll never find it in there."

"It's not a mullet," Keith hisses, barely restraining himself from snapping his head around to glare at Lance.

"Are you _seriously_ fighting right now?!" Pidge demands. 

"Keith started it," Lance says, like a goddamn child.

"We both know that's not true," Keith snaps, head jerking against his will.

Of course, the bug chooses that moment to sink its teeth into Keith's cheek. A low, almost cat-like hiss escapes Keith's mouth, not expecting the simmering sting that accompanies the bite. Pidge takes that opportunity to scoop up the alien bug, but she peers at the bite mark a little longer. 

"It's bleeding," she comments. "Pretty bad for a bug bite. How do you feel?"

"Horrible," Keith grumbles. The stinging heat has spread down his neck and chest, making him want to itch and claw at his skin until the stinging-itching sensation goes away. 

"I'm sure it's not that bad," Lance huffs. 

Was his vision always this soupy? Keith wonders. The feeling is nearly at his feet now, and he digs his fingernails into his hand. _Oh. That actually feels really nice._ The need to claw out his own skin suddenly makes a lot of sense. _It'd feel so nice. . ._ The burning and itching would go away, and he'd be able to function normally. 

"K-Keith? Your hands are bleeding," Hunk says quietly. When did Hunk get in front of him? 

Keith blinks down at his palms, reluctantly unclenching his hands and looking at where his nails had dug into his hand, scarlet blood slowly dripping out of the wounds. Were his nails always that sharp? Probably not. But they made the itching go away, so it doesn't matter if they're longer or not. 

Anything to make his skin stop itching. 

Without really thinking about it, Keith brings his hand up to his neck and face, where the itching is the worst. _It hurts. It hurts. It hurts._ A couple drags of his new nails across his neck quickly fixes that, and it starts to feel good after a couple of seconds. He doesn't even care that he has to dig his nails in harder every time to keep the itching at bay. As long as it doesn't itch anymore. As long he doesn't hurt anymore.

"Keith! What are you doing?!" Hunk yells.

Huh? Is he doing something wrong? Aren't you supposed to itch? Don't they want him to keep feeling good?

Keith gasps when a hand grabs his, and he flinches in anticipation of the burning, the pain, the horrible, _horrible_ sensation of his skin wanting to be clawed off. But it doesn't come. 

Instead, a warm, weak flickering of heat spreads through his arm. It doesn't go to the rest of his body completely, but the soothing warmth feels _so good._ It's nowhere near strong enough to stop the itching everywhere, but the contact feels almost good enough to drown out the compulsion. 

Keith's knees buckle under him, and he collapses against Hunk's chest. A small whimper rips out of his throat at the touch, more of that subtle warmth spilling into his body wherever his skin makes contact with Hunk's. 

"Okay. We need to get Coran," Hunk says urgently. 

Why do they need Coran? He's only bleeding a little bit, right? Sure, his head feels a little light, but that's fine. As long as the pain stops. 

"So, umm, why did mullet start tearing his own neck out?" Lance. _Lance._ His touch would feel _great_. Better than Hunk's ever will be. But his hands tremble when he tries to lift them, and he can't even see Lance anyway. Besides, Hunk has Keith cradled against his chest, and that feels _good._ Not _great_ , like Lance would, but good enough. 

Better than pain.

"It has to be something to do with the bite, dumbass!" Pidge screeches. "Keith's being all spacey and weird, and it's all because you made the bug bite him!" 

"What did I do?" Lance huffs. "He's the one who moved."

"Because you kept prodding him and making him angry! I bet you wanted it to bite him!" Pidge snarls. 

And then, Keith is being set down on a table, and the warmth leaves. He whines before he can stop himself, the sound foreign and cat-like in his throat. The oppressive heat returns to his face first, but since his arms are being strapped down by something, his teeth immediately start working at his lips, trying to get as much relief out of them as possible. Even the taste of metal doesn't stop him.

"Keith!? Stop it!" 

A glorious hand returns to his face, and Keith arches into the touch shamelessly. It's different than the other one, smaller, and the heat it gives off is much better. Sparking and refreshing, not weak and flickering and unsatisfying like the other one. 

"Does the touching do something?" Pidge whispers. "He stopped before when Hunk grabbed his arm. Hunk didn't even have to move his hand, and right now. . ."

"Coran and the others are on their way back. I told them it was urgent. Coran said to bandage all the wounds and put pressure on them until Coran can clear Keith to go into a pod." Hunk returns, and he flips one of Keith's hands to look at the wounds there. The warmth is immediate, and Keith immediately feels sparking pain in his hands. Not the burning, horrible, insatiable pain, but the normal, dull throb of an injury. The good kind. The normal kind. 

_Oh god._ Keith's eyes slid closed, and he lets out a long groan. His head is throbbing painfully, and now he's starting to feel an ache in his lips. _The metal taste was blood, and I didn't even realize it._ He had dug his fingernails into his hands until they bled and he didn't even notice. It felt _good_ even. 

"Keith? Hey, can you hear me?" Pidge asks, her hand still pressed against his forehead. "You feel really warm."

"Yeah," Keith manages to slur out. His teeth suddenly feel too big for his mouth. Slowly, he runs his tongue over them, and his whole body shudders at the long, sharp points he finds. 

"Alright. That's good. How do you feel?"

How does Keith feel? How does he even begin to explain the sparking, refreshing warmth running through him at Pidge's touch? Or the soothing, gentle but weak heat that runs through him every time Hunk prods at the wounds on his hands?

"Better," he settles on. 

"I need a little more than that. I'm _this_ close to panicking and I have no idea what to do," Pidge whispers. 

It's only then that Keith realizes there's pressure on his neck. _Fuuuuck._ There isn't any warmth there, sadly. It would feel nice there. Slowly, Keith slides his eyes open to see Pidge, Lance, and Hunk all looking down at him. Pidge has a hand on his forehead, and her other hand is pressing a clump of bandages into his neck. _Bloody_ bandages. Hunk is wrapping his hands, while Lance is talking rapidly into the coms a little ways away.

"It's hard to explain," Keith mumbles. "Head hurts. It's really hard to think normally."

Pidge exhales heavily. "W-What did the initial bite feel like?"

An instinctive shudder runs through Keith, and Pidge's gaze sharpens. "It stung. A lot. Spread all over, and everything hurt and itched. Tried to distract myself by digging my nails into my palm. And the itching was the worst on my neck."

"Keith, you almost tore open your own carotid artery. You could have _died_."

"I. . . did?"

" _Yes_ , Keith, you did. _Why the fuck would you do that_?!" Pidge hisses.

Keith squeezes his eyes shut again. "It felt good. It felt so fucking good," Keith whimpers. "The pain stopped and everything felt better."

Keith hears all three of them suck in a breath. Pidge swallows. "A-And what about when Hunk touched you? What about me touching you right now?"

"Warm," Keith hums. "Really warm."

"What do you think would happen if I took my hand away?" Pidge asks.

The bolt of panic at that thought is all-consuming, and Keith has to take a long, shuddering breath to keep himself from saying anything stupid. "The pain would come back."

Distantly, Keith hears Lance repeating this to Shiro and Coran, but his exhaustion from before comes rushing back. His head lolls to the side, but Pidge smacks his cheek lightly. "Hey, don't fall asleep. You lost a lot of blood, and we need you to stay awake. Just until Coran and the others get back."

"How far out are they?" Hunk asks worriedly. 

"About half a varga, Shiro said," Lance answers. 

_Lance._ Keith squirms slightly. What would Lance's warmth feel like? Pidge's warmth is probably the only reason he's still awake, the electric feeling lighting his veins on fire in the best way. Hunk's is nice, Keith supposes, but it's worse than Pidge's, and if Pidge's touch feels this good, Lance's must be _amazing._

"Keith," Pidge reminds him. He didn't even realize his eyes were slipping closed again. 

Just like how he didn't realize he was mutilating himself. If Keith wasn't strapped to a table, he would have curled into a ball by now. His neck doesn't even hurt; it's still radiating some sick form of pleasure, relaxing his muscles. His hands and lips have started doing the same thing. The pleasure from the wounds is less than when he was creating them, and it's steadily dropping into an ache-like sensation, but it's better than the pain.

Anything is better than the pain. 

He hears the door to the med-bay slide open, and there's a new mixture of voices that makes Keith's headache roar back to life. The pressure on his neck moves, and a new hand gently prods against the wounds he knows are there. 

Keith yelps, a feeling of revulsion swimming through him for a brief instant before his body lurches away from the touch. _Who was that?_ Keith's half-clouded brain demands. The pain is coming back, surging through his body stronger than before, and his body struggles against the restraints, trying to gain any hint of relief by thrashing around. 

His teeth - his new, sharp, _better_ teeth - return to digging into his bleeding lips, but it doesn't help. The relief isn't enough. He needs more. Just has to bite harder and he'll feel better-

A hand lands on his cheek. A wave of calm, gentle, _strong_ warmth rushes over him, and the burning stops. Keith practically melts into the table under him, something close to a purr rumbling in his chest. _Shiro._ His instincts are screaming that this is Shiro's touch. Shiro's warm, gentle, calm, perfect, stabilizing touch. 

_God, he feels so good._

"Coran, try now," Shiro whispers.

The repulsing touch that makes him itch to squirm and escape returns, but the instinct is weaker now. He can withstand it, but his heart pounds in his chest, as if it's trying to escape his ribcage, and Keith knows the only reason he isn't trying to escape the touch is because Shiro is there. 

The relief in his neck and hands and lips slowly dies back down into an ache, and that ache burns brightly with sharp agony whenever the other touch - Coran, _Coran_ , his brain screams - brushes against him, and Keith can't help but let out small whimpers of pain whenever he's touched. 

Tentatively, another hand slowly grabs at one of Keith's. _Shiro. Shiro. Shiro,_ Keith's brain sings, and every other sensation melts away as he slowly falls into unconsciousness. 

* * *

Lance, while he will never admit it, has never been more terrified in his entire life. Keith started thrashing around like a man possessed as soon as Pidge removed her hand and Coran started treating him. But as soon as Shiro touched him, Keith practically turned into a puddle.

Lance watches with something unknown twisting in his gut as Keith loses the battle for unconsciousness and goes completely limp under Shiro and Coran's hands. His eyes drift to the deep, angry red scratches on Keith's neck. They've stopped bleeding, and now Coran is cleaning the blood off of them. They're deep, so so deep. Keith is so lucky to be alive, and yet he didn't even know he was clawing out his own throat. He even claimed that the pain felt _good_ , when he was complaining about how everything hurt before. 

_All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ _All my fault. All my fault. All my fault._

The guilt is a physical weight on Lance's chest, yet he feigns nonchalance as he watches Coran treat Keith. He never should have goaded Keith like that. After everything he's seen in space, Lance should have known that the bug bite would do some damage. He never thought this rivalry would end up with Keith in pain. With Keith nearly _dying._ And now Keith is going to be constantly in pain unless someone is touching him. 

And Keith hates being touched. Trying to hug him is like hugging a brick wall, according to Hunk. Keith is suffering, and it's

_all_

_Lance's_

_fault._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea where I'm going to take this, but Chapter 2 is mostly written. I'm not sure how long I'm going to make this, but it should be at least 5 chapters. I'm not at all good at writing longer stories, so this one should be pretty short chapter-wise.
> 
> I mostly wrote this to get rid of my anxiety and stress, as tomorrow is the first time I'm going to see my girlfriend since June, so yeah, that's something.
> 
> Feel free to comment about tags you think I should add and any criticism you might have.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team deals with the fallout of Keith's episode, and emotions are running high in all departments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than I wanted it to be. It's also a lot later than I wanted, but with Christmas and my own problems, I haven't had much time to write this. I also rewrote this chapter at least three times, and it doesn't help that I have at least 10 other projects I want to work on.
> 
> Short story short, my life is a clusterfuck, but I got a chapter up, which I count as a win.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter.

_Keith is stable._

He can't go into a pod, what with. . . _everything_ going on, so Shiro gently picks up Keith and takes him out of the med-bay. Lance stares after them, just him, Pidge, Coran, and Hunk in the med-bay now. 

Lance barely has a chance to breathe before Pidge stomps up to him. He opens his mouth, prepared to say something but with no idea what to say, but Pidge stops him before he can get that far. By slapping him across the face. For someone so small, she hits _hard_ , and Lance's entire head whips to the side with the force of it. 

He doesn't ask what he did. 

He knows. 

"Pidge!" Hunk exclaims. "What was that for?!" 

"You know damn well what it was for," Pidge growls, voice low and dangerous. Her light brown eyes are alight with anger, and Lance's heart tightens in his chest. "It's Lance's fucking fault that Keith nearly died."

"Now, Number 5, that is quite a reach, don't you think?" Coran attempts to say.

Pidge ignores him, crossing her arms and glaring at Lance. "You've hated Keith for _no damn reason_ this entire time! Your stupid rivalry is bullshit! So what if Keith was better than you at the Garrison?! You know what a normal person would do? _Ask_ Keith to help them out. You know, so maybe you can _learn_ what you're doing wrong. But noooooo, our genius Lance over here has an ego so big he needs to constantly put the team in danger in some stupid dick-measuring contest with Keith!"

"Pidge, Lance hasn't done that-"

"Yes he fucking has, Hunk! Remember Nyma? Getting the Blue Lion stolen? That time on Nardom when he flirted with that one princess and nearly lost us the alliance? Or when he and Keith got into such a big fight Red and Blue wouldn't let them fight for an _entire fucking week_ ?! And if Lance hadn't been goading Keith back in the lab, I would have gotten that bug safely and _Keith would be fine_."

"Number 5, you can't know for certain that we would not be in this situation-"

"It's true," Lance admits, throwing his arms up and cutting off whatever Coran was going to say. "Pidge is right. Yeah, I was a shitty fucking person back there. And you know what? I feel _horrible_ about it! I didn't know that shit was going to happen! I'm an idiot, an immature fucking idiot. And I'm going to have to live with this on my fucking conscience for the rest of my life. _I_ nearly killed Keith today, not some shitty Galra. So thanks, Pidge, for pointing that shit out. Not like I didn't already feel like the scum of the Earth."

"Oh yeaahhhh, everything has to be about _you_ , doesn't it," Pidge drawls, voice a tight mixture of anger and hysteria. "I forgot. You're gonna milk this shit like you're the victim, aren't you?"

"Why the fuck would I do that?!" Lance shouts. "I care about Keith too, you know!"

"If you did, we wouldn't be in this situation, now would we?!" Pidge screams.

Hunk inserts himself between Pidge and Lance, glaring at his two friends. "ENOUGH! Both of you are clearly too wound up to be near each other right now. So how about we chill off and spend some time alone for a little bit? You guys can calm down and we can approach this again like civil human beings."

Lance crosses his arms over his chest, and Pidge gives Lance a dirty look. 

Coran appears beside Hunk. "Number 2, Number 3, I hate to ask this of you right now, but someone must go back down to Monotei and ask around for an antidote. It's a good idea for Number 3 to be out of the castle at the moment."

Hunk exhales in relief. "That sounds amazing, Coran. Me and Lance will go head planet-side right now."

Lance doesn't protest, following after Hunk as quietly as he can. If he does, he can almost pretend he doesn't feel Pidge's glare trying to burn holes in his back.

* * *

  
  


Monotei, at the very least, is one of the most gorgeous planets Lance has ever seen. The beautiful, stark white and neon plants - it’s a half and half mix of them, with plants losing and gaining color at random - lining the white sand path Lance and Hunk are walking on. Lance carefully takes a fresh blossom off a bush, watching with a twinge of awe - how can he not? - as the smooth white petals stain a dark, cloudy greyish-blue.

The color is melancholy, and the weight in Lance’s chest presses harder against his heart. The oppressive weight appeared after his fight with Pidge, and while he’s felt like this before - usually after a fight with his parents, but those always solve themselves easily - it’s never been this severe.

Lance has never messed up this big before. He’s never almost _killed_ someone before. Yeah, he’s fought with his parents, snuck out of his house and his dorm at the Garrison, but no one got hurt then. No one was ever in any danger whatsoever.

Had Lance wanted Keith to get hurt? Does Lance even really hate Keith? Is he just jealous of Keith? Keith, who’s best friends with Shiro - Lance’s idol, the best pilot in Garrison history, somehow has great abs despite being small and lean, and everyone cares about him despite Keith being an antisocial asshole. 

Okay, maybe Lance is a little jealous. But only a little!

Lance just wanted to prove he was better than Keith. He didn’t want anyone to get hurt. He didn’t want _Keith_ to get hurt. This whole situation is Lance’s fault, and he’s going to do everything to make it right. He has to. 

The Monoteisians all stare at Lance and Hunk, and Lance can barely keep himself from glaring back at them. 

They’re pretty aliens, though not in a conventional way. They’re almost a mix between chameleons and dragons. They have these weird frills, and they walk on two legs, and they don’t have any wings. But their normal white scales are constantly shifting with colors. It’s gorgeous. The colors are as bright and shiny as gemstones, and they can change the colors at will. 

They enter the palace, white bricks glowing wherever Lance drags his fingers across them. They glow the same, deep blue as the flower Lance picked up, and not for the first time, Lance wonders if the color means something. 

The Monoteisian king stares down at them. Lance gets the distinct impression of disgust coming from the king, though it’s hard to tell with the lizard face. 

“Paladins, I was not aware we would be meeting further.”

Hunk laughs guiltily. “We don’t mean to bother you, again. We weren’t planning on coming back either, but there’s a situation back on the castle.”

The king nods. “I can sense grief and regret, and it is quite obvious that your situation is because of something on my planet. Please, explain.”

Ooooooh, right. The Monoteisians can sense emotions. Sort of? But not each other's? It’s only aliens, Lance is pretty sure. 

“There was a bug on some of the plant cuttings we received,” Lance says calmly, swallowing the extreme disgust and hatred he feels toward both himself and this planet. “It bit one of our teammates, and we were wondering if there was a possible treatment or antidote.” Lance is a diplomat. He’s good with people. He can do this. 

“Ah,” the king says. “The Menov Beetle has no known treatment. I would advise that any romantic figures leave the picture, however. Coping with the venom is dangerous for all parties, and any romantic interest will only make things worse. The Menov Beetle is very rare and we do not understand every aspect of the condition.”

Great. That’s useful. _Why did we even come here?_ Lance wonders. “Do you know when the venom will run its course?”

The king shakes his head. “The timeframe is between three and eight days for a native. The possible effects on your species may differ greatly from our own. What species is your afflicted?”

“He’s half-human, half-Galra,” Lance says, and he fights a wince after realizing his voice shook slightly. 

The king dips his head. “I offer my condolences. It is a rough affliction, and I advise you to keep close family and friends nearby. Any potential romantic partner or interest must be kept at length, and I warn against any troubled relationships as well. I truly wish we could do more for you, but there is little we are able to do at this time.”

Lance nods. “Thank you.”

Hunk nods, adding something Lance doesn’t listen to, and they leave the way they came. The severity of the Monoteisian king’s words has Lance’s self-loathing rising to the front again. This venom is extremely dangerous according to what the king said, and the lack of an antidote has pounds of guilt adding to the weight in Lance’s chest doubling. 

_No antidote. Extremely dangerous. Rough affliction._ Keith is dealing with all of that. And Lance is the reason for that. His stupid, _stupid_ rivalry with Keith almost killed Keith. It could still kill Keith. 

Are Keith and Lance even really rivals? Lance just declared that, didn’t he? Come to think of it, Keith has never really engaged Lance in a fight, and yeah, he fights back when Lance instigates a fight, but he doesn’t start anything. He’s fiery and aggressive, but Keith doesn’t start fights with Lance. Keith only starts fights on the behalf of people.

Like when Pidge tried to leave and Keith got all upset. He was angry on the behalf of the team. Keith gets angry because everyone else - except maybe Pidge - doesn’t speak their mind or get angry very often. Shiro is almost _never_ angry, and he’s more stern than anything. Keith gets angry because no one else will.

How has Lance never realized this before?

They’ve been in space for how long? Months? A year? Lance has been antagonizing Keith for no real reason, thinking they can’t be friends because they’re rivals. But they’re _not_. Keith is Lance’s rival. Lance isn’t Keith’s rival.

_We could have been friends this whole time._

It’s a ground-shattering thought. Why would Lance be rivals with someone who isn’t interested in being rivals? Why was he looking at this relationship with Keith in a way that it isn’t? Just because he’s jealous?

_Has Keith wanted to be friends this entire time?_ Is that how their whole relationship has been? _Did Keith start out wanting to be friends?_ He must hate Lance now. Lance has been harassing and fighting with Keith for _no fucking reason_ , so Lance doesn’t blame Keith for hating Lance now. He _has_ to hate Lance. Lance would hate someone too if they were constantly picking fights with him.

Lance heaves out a sigh. _I fucked up. I really fucked up._

* * *

  
  


Pidge greets Lance and Hunk when they return to the castle. She doesn’t look at Lance, but her voice is quiet and regretful when she says, “Shiro and I are set up in the lounge. You can come with us too, I guess.”

She goes to leave, but Lance grabs Pidge’s shoulder. “Pidge-”

“Don’t, Lance. I’m still angry at you, but. . . I was really unfair to you back there. I don’t forgive you, but I don’t want us to dwell on this right now. There are more important things to deal with instead of us arguing like children. Just. . . come to the lounge and help me and Shiro take care of Keith.”

Lance swallows, and he and Hunk both head to their rooms. Lance changes out of his Paladin armor, and he drags a pillow and some blankets out to the lounge. Pidge is lying on her stomach, playing video games on one of the massive screens she set up in the lounge. Shiro and Keith are bundled up together, the bloody bandages on Keith’s neck painfully obvious from where he’s leaning against Shiro. 

Shiro looks up from the book he’s reading, grey eyes not unkind as he looks at Lance. “How did your visit to Monotei go?”

Both Lance and Hunk wince. “There isn’t anything they can do,” Hunk whispers. “The bug is - according to them - really rare, and they don’t know much about it.”

“The. . . The king did say to keep any romantic interests away,” Lance adds. “And anyone that Keith has a bad relationship with. That’s really all we got out of them.”

Shiro looks down at Keith, an odd expression on his face. He looks oddly conflicted when he looks at Lance. “Coran is out, and so is Allura. For. . . obvious reasons.” Allura hasn’t been taking Keith’s whole. . . thing well. The Galra thing. It’s rough on the whole team, but Allura’s taken it too far, in Lance’s opinion. 

“Lance, you should be careful around him too.” Shiro’s voice is strained, and Lance’s heart drops. _He knows. He knows Keith hates me._ “If he reacts oddly, give him some space.”

Lance swallows. “Right. Yeah, of course.” _I don’t want to make this worse._

Shiro hums, returning to his book. Lance takes the chance to situate his things on the closest couch to Shiro and Keith’s. They’ve taken the biggest couch - obviously - and the one closest to them is the smallest of them, but Lance doesn’t mind the size too much. Being close to Keith is enough, even if he can’t touch Keith. He shouldn’t, really. Lance has to support Keith, in any way he can. 

In any way Keith will let him. 

Eventually, Lance wanders over and starts playing games with Pidge. It’s tense between them still, but he lets her kick him around in the fighting game she’s playing. When they switch to a more open-world game, he lets her stab him a couple of times. They both feel it’s deserved, and after an hour or two, they even start joking and laughing about different ways they can kill Lance’s character off. 

Eventually, Pidge and Hunk are called away to do something for Coran, and Lance is left alone with Shiro. Lance pauses the game he’s playing, turning to look at Shiro. Shiro’s been quiet for most of the afternoon, his attention solely on Keith. Lance doesn't know the extent of their relationship, but he knows they’re practically family. 

_Shiro must be taking this hard._

Lance slowly moves to sit in front of Shiro. The Black Paladin looks at Lance with a questioning gaze, clearly expecting Lance to say something first. Lance swallows thickly. “I. . . How do I make this up to Keith?” Lance asks, voice trembling and quiet.

Shiro blinks, but a smile finds its way onto his face. “Keith takes a lot of work. He doesn’t trust easily, and that trust is like glass. It will shatter easily, and most times, no amount of work can fix that shattered trust. But Keith cares about Voltron, and he cares about his teammates, so he’ll work just as hard to trust you.”

“But-”

“Lance, Keith doesn’t hate you. He never has. He’s annoyed with you almost constantly, but that’s a long way from hating someone. Keith isn’t good with people, and he won’t go to someone to fix a relationship. If you go to him quickly and without judgment of him, he’ll get over this whole thing pretty easily. But it won’t work if you don’t try, Lance.”

Lance nods slowly. He isn’t convinced that Keith doesn’t completely hate him, but he knows that Shiro is a good judge of Keith’s character. “Are you sure?”

Shiro shrugs as best he can with Keith leaning on his shoulder. “Keith is complicated. Most people are. But I do know that he’ll trust you if he knows that you trust him. Besides, you clearly feel guilty about what happened, and if _you_ hated Keith, you wouldn’t be this upset. That’s all that really matters, at the end of the day.”

Lance exhales heavily. “Thank you. I think. . . I need to be alone for a while.”

Shiro nods. “I’m proud of you, Lance.”

As Lance walks out of the lounge, all he can think is, _You shouldn’t be._ What has Lance done to improve this team? Nothing! He’s the most useless team member. He’s not good with tech, he can’t cook or treat injuries. Hell, he can’t even shoot his gun very well, his _one_ job! 

_If anyone on the team had to be bitten. . ._

_It should have been me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so, because I'm lazy and unoriginal, Monotei is an anagram of Emotion and Menov is an anagram of Venom. It was five in the morning when I came up with this chapter, and I've slept a total of 4 hours in the last two days, so I'm a little loopy right now.
> 
> On another note, I really appreciate the response to the first chapter. This is the first multi-chapter fic that I've ever written, so I'm out of my comfort zone right now. 
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts in the comments and let me know what to do better. I hope you guys had a good Christmas, and I'll try to get chapter 3 up in a couple of days.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact, this was a draft of Chapter 2, but I decided to give Lance a bit more depth, and now I have the entire story planned out. Not written, but I know which angsty direction I'm going to take this. I'm looking at 7 chapters right now, and that's plenty for me. I'm not good at writing longer works, so this is a bit of an experiment for me. 
> 
> I'm not as happy with this chapter as I'd like to be, but it's about as good as it's going to get with my mental situation at the moment. Writing happy/normal-ish stuff is definitely not something I do well, so this chapter is my least favorite so far. 
> 
> But I hope some of you can get some enjoyment out of it, at least.

Keith wakes up slowly. His brain can't decide if he got hit by a truck or got incredibly high. His neck and hands hurt, bright spots of pain amongst the general sense of calm and relaxation that's taken over the rest of his body.

His head feels clearer, now, and he's grateful for that.

Keith stirs, body protesting his want to move. His eyes flutter open, and he's met with the sight of the lounge, his team spread out across several different couches with blankets piled absolutely  _ everywhere _ . Allura and Coran aren't there, but Keith can't bring himself to care much. Coran's touch made him feel sick, and his instincts are screaming to not let Allura come anywhere near him.

"Keith?" Shiro's voice asks quietly. "How're you feeling?"

"Tired," Keith says honestly. His whole body is weighed down by this sense of exhaustion, but going back to sleep doesn't sound possible.

"You seem more lucid now."

"Yeah," Keith sighs. "I didn't know what was going on before. Everything hurt and pain didn't feel like pain."

"Coran doesn't know what kind of bug you got bit with, and the Monoteisians were no help, but he does think the venom in your system should go away in a couple of days."

"It's not deadly?"

"Only if we leave you alone. Are you sure- You really didn't know you were harming yourself?" Shiro sounds so scared, so  _ so  _ upset, and Keith's heart aches for him. It must have been terrifying for him, for the entire team, really.

"It's weird," Keith whispers. "When it first started, everything felt itchy and sensitive, and at the time, it just felt like I was scratching an itch. The more I did it, the better I started to feel, but the pain got worse every time I stopped."

"Pidge thinks that being touched helps."

"It does, but it's different. . ."

Shiro's arm tightens around Keith's shoulders. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

Keith hums. He looks down at his fingernails, which have been cleaned, but they're still too long and a light shade of purple.  _ Galra claws.  _ His teeth still feel too large, and they catch on his swollen lips when he speaks, though not as bad as before. Carefully, he feels at his ears, relieved to find they're still the same shape and size they were before.

"Coran thinks the bite might have activated some of your Galra genes," Shiro explains quietly. "Some sort of fight or flight thing."

_ Right.  _ His body was in pain, and his Galran instincts must have thought he was in danger, so he got sharper teeth and nails to 'fight' off whatever was hurting him. Of course, that only allowed him to mutilate himself better. His wounds wouldn't be even half as bad if he didn't have claws instead of nails and fangs instead of teeth.

"Shhhhh. Your hormones are all acting out right now," Shiro soothes. "We're expecting some rapid mood swings and a lot of crying." Shiro's touch is calming in a way it wasn't before, washing over him in warm, gentle waves that make things like pain and panic seem impossible.

He's crying? Keith wipes his eyes, blinking through his tears out at his sleeping teammates. Even Lance is there, stretched out on the closest couch, face mask and all. Keith's heart thumps wildly at the sight. Sure, Lance had started this whole thing, but he had looked remorseful back at the med-bay, and he's here now.

_ Dammit. _

He should have kicked this crush months ago, but his new/turned up hormones are practically begging for Lance's touch in a way he's never felt before.

Oh.  _ Oh.  _ He gets the touches now. Hunk's had felt weak but warm because Keith knows him the least. Pidge's was stronger and like lightning because they get on together like a house on fire. Shiro's is calming and stabilizing because Keith trusts him the most. And Coran. . . Coran makes Keith feel awkward and out of place with how energetic he is, so that would explain why his touch had made Keith flinch and squirm away.

Which means Lance's touch is going to drive him absolutely insane.

_ Note to self, don't let Lance touch me. No matter how much my stupid body wants it. _

Shiro yawns behind Keith, and Keith suddenly realizes that he's practically sitting in Shiro's lap, the older man's arm wrapped supportively around Keith's bare shoulders. He's not interested in Shiro at all, but the knowledge has his face bursting into a scarlet blush. He could not have been bitten by a more awkward bug.  _ This thing is going to kill me.  _

"It's Lance's turn for 'watch'," Shiro says. "You kept squirming and fighting whenever you weren't being touched, so we all take turns."

Of course. Of  _ fucking  _ course. Keith suppresses a growl of annoyance -  _ fuck _ , he'd been making Galra noises before, hadn't he? - and turns to Shiro. "You sure you can't keep holding me?" Shiro's touch feels the best anyway; Keith almost feels normal, with only a small undercurrent of fuzziness in his head.

"I need to sleep, and now that you're awake, I doubt you're going to sleep again. There's some leftover dinner in the kitchen that you and Lance can get," Shiro says calmly. "Does it really feel that good?"

Keith tilts his head, thinking. "It's hard to explain, really. Back in the med-bay, it felt good simply because it wasn't pain, but now, it feels more calming than anything. I don't know if I've ever been this relaxed. Pidge's almost made me want to jump out of my skin; there's so much energy to it. Hunk was really weak, but his kinda made my head foggy and it was hard to think much. Yours is the most normal I've felt."

Shiro hums. "C'mon, let's wake up Lance. He didn't eat dinner either."

"What?"

"He's been a mess," Shiro explains quietly, a somber expression on his face. "He feels so guilty about what happened."

Keith huffs, but he can't summon much frustration with Shiro's calming presence practically invading his thoughts. "He deserves it. He picks the worst times to start fighting with me. I don't even know why he does it."

"Mhmm," Shiro hums, like he knows something Keith doesn’t. The Black Paladin stands up, somehow managing to keep his hand on Keith's shoulder, and helps the Red Paladin to his feet.

Lance wakes with a start when Shiro nudges his shoulder, and Keith can't hold back a small snicker at the sight. Lance doesn't even glare at him like he normally would, his eyes instead widening at the sight of Keith.

With a sigh, Lance pulls himself to his feet. "C'mon Mullet, I need to get this face mask off."

Shiro's hand slides off Keith's shoulder, but Keith doesn't immediately take Lance's offered hand. Nothing's happening. Keith blinks when the pain doesn't immediately come back. The calming, almost sedate-like feeling isn't going away; it clings to his body.  _ But back in the med-bay. . .  _ As soon as Pidge's hand left, he had been swallowed by the pain instantly, drowning in it, and the same thing had happened with Hunk.

Keith shrugs.  _ Probably works differently with each person.  _ The less he has to touch people the better, and he walks out into the hallway. If he can go places without needing someone else, Lance can remove the face mask on his own and Keith can go get his own dinner.

"Keith, wait up!"

And then Keith's entire body goes stiff. Warmth permeates through him, steadily growing warmer until-

_ Ecstasy. _

Lance's hand landed on his shoulder, and the surge of pure  _ happiness  _ and  _ joy  _ radiates through Keith's entire body. It's like being struck by a bolt of lightning in its intensity, and Keith can't help but love it. It's simultaneously the best thing and the worst thing he's ever felt, and he never wants it to end.

The removal of Lance's hand nearly makes Keith sob, but he bites his tongue at the last second. That would be too fucking embarrassing for Keith to handle right now. His head feels both like he's walking on clouds and swimming through honey.

It's different from Shiro's heavy, tiring touch that makes Keith melt into the floor. Keith suddenly has too much energy and not enough at the same time, but the pain hasn't set in yet, so it must be good. It  _ is  _ good, even the way his body shudders without Lance's touch, like a part of him has gone missing.

"Keith? You okay?"

Keith shakes his head, willing the sudden foggy feeling to dissipate, but it doesn't, not completely at least. "No." Dammit, why did he say no?!

"Do you hurt anywhere?"

"No."

"Do you need more touch?"

"No!" Keith nearly screams, flinching away from the hand Lance reaches out toward him.  _ Yes. Desperately.  _ "I mean, I'm fine Lance. That face mask looks really stupid on you." Is his brain to mouth filter just gone? Because the face mask definitely  _ does  _ look ridiculous on Lance, but it's also kinda cute, in an endearing way.

Keith has to bite his tongue to keep these words from escaping out his mouth.

Lance looks at him strangely, then a worried look appears on his face. "Does it hurt? Like, my touch. Because you did that with Coran too and this is all my fault and-"

"No! You're fine, it's fine. Really! Just surprised me is all."  _ God, touch me again. Please.  _ Keith shakes his head again, fighting down the thoughts.  _ NO!  _ He  _ will  _ die if Lance finds out  _ anything  _ related to Keith’s feelings, and it won’t even be the stupid bug venom that does him in. 

"Umm, okay. Let's go get my face mask off, then we can eat something." Lance leads down the hall, and Keith has to restrain himself from 'accidentally' tripping into Lance's back. All of the Paladins are wearing tank tops - except him, he's shirtless - and it would feel  _ so good _ to just collapse on top of Lance and soak up the pure ecstasy the Blue Paladin radiates.

The itching doesn't return as Lance takes off his face mask, and Keith leans against the door frame, his eyes lingering far too long on the bare skin of Lance's shoulders. What is  _ wrong  _ with him?! One touch and he's basically falling apart. Is this how it's going to be with all the others, constantly staring at their bare skin to soak up all their warmth like some kind of energy-absorbing vampire?

After Lance is finished in the bathroom - which takes much too long, in Keith's opinion - they head into the kitchen. Someone - probably Shiro - changed Keith into a pair of loose sweatpants, and his bare feet feel strange on the castle floor. Now that he's thinking about it, he's never really relaxed in the castle. He always sleeps in his clothes - if he even sleeps at all - and most of his time is spent in the training room.

Huh.

"So, I think this is the space version of lasagna, but don't quote me on that. All I know is that Hunk made it, so it has to be good. Better than anything Coran could make, in any case." Lance places a plate down in front of Keith, but Keith's gaze is drawn to the way Lance avoids making direct eye contact with him and the constant drooping of his shoulders.

"Thanks, Lance." Is he sounding too genuine? Will Lance pick up on things? He has to know just from the way Keith reacted to his touch, right?

"Yeah." Lance sounds really melancholy. Should Keith do something? Is there even anything Keith can do?  _ No. NO! Stop it!  _ God, it's like he's high or something.

Oh. Oh shit.

"Hey, are you okay? You look like your brain just exploded," Lance says, and normally, that would be said with a teasing lilt to it, but Lance is being completely serious here.

_I'm high. Totally fucking baked right now._ Keith shovels food into his mouth before he can start laughing maniacally like he wants to. He always craved Lance's attention before, so of course his touch is like a fucking drug now. And Keith is completely bouncing off the walls from one shoulder touch. _One._ He wasn't even touched for that long!

"Fine," Keith says. He doesn't sound convincing at all, and he knows it. Though, it is nice to know that he can lie now, even if it isn't anywhere near convincing.

Lance swallows - wow, Keith is way too interested in the way Lance's throat moves, weird - and looks down at his plate. "Keith, I'm really sorry about this. It's all my fault you're in pain, and it was such a shitty thing I did to you earlier. I shouldn't have-"

Keith snorts. "Yeah, you were an absolute ass, but I probably would have gotten bit anyway. It's fine."  _ Can't really tell him I'm high as a fucking kite right now.  _ Can you even get high from space bug venom? Probably. His thoughts are bouncing all over the place, and he just feels  _ great.  _ So great.

"It's not fine, Keith! You almost died! And it would have been my fault! You and Pidge were doing fine with the bug before I decided to mess things up." Lance is pouting. What is he supposed to do? He didn't train for this! His brain is melting out his ears right now, and that's not a good thing when you're trying to comfort the guy you have a massive, embarrassing crush on.

So he just tilts his head curiously, not trusting whatever word vomit is going to come out if he opens his mouth.

"Ummm, Keith? You're acting really weird."

"No shit," Keith says before he can stop himself. Lance is so smart.

_ Fuck, it's getting worse! I called Lance smart!  _ Well, Lance is smart, but not in the ways one would expect. He's really good with self-care. Like,  _ really good _ . Keith managed to get Lance to give him a massage before, and it was like he saw God. Just. . . so perfect.  _ Mmmm, what would a massage feel like now? _

Oh! And Lance has this weird habit where he stares at the ground when he's nervous and his eyes get all super blue and-

_ SHUT UP!  _ He's going to die. This venom is going to kill him, and it won't even be the pain that does it. One of the others will probably hit him over the head if he starts rambling about something random, and Keith wants to crawl in a hole to die or get so high he forgets his name, but he can't decide which he wants more.

_ Technically, I'm already high. . . _

The thought disappears into smoke when a hand shakes his shoulder.  _ Oh god, yes!  _ Keith groans and falls limp against the table. This is perfect. Nothing has ever felt this good, and nothing ever will again. Keith only knows a purr starts up because his chest starts vibrating like a motor. He's probably drooling on the table, but he can't bring himself to care. Everything just feels  _ so good. _

And then the hand disappears.

But the high doesn't. It's nothing like the aftershocks before, and Keith physically cannot move anymore.

_ I am one with the table. I  _ am  _ the table. _

"Keith? Buddy?"

"Mmmm?" Keith hums, registering that Lance is talking but the words don't make much sense.

"Oh my god, he's broken. I've broke Keith."

Keith definitely does not know what Lance is talking about, but his voice sounds nice. Keith likes listening to Lance talk. He's got the best voice. Very relaxing. Except when he's flirting. Keith hates it when Lance flirts with people.

"Gee, thanks, Keith."

There's a light poke to one of Keith's arms, and he shudders helplessly. A groan tumbles out his mouth before he can think to stop it.  _ Mmmmmmm. Feels so good. _ This is nothing like the time Keith and Griffin got totally fucking high behind the Garrison that one time. Leave it to Griffin to get the cheap shit. The sex wasn't even that good afterwards.

Keith distantly hears a retching sound. "God, Keith, I never want to hear about you and Griffin.  _ Ever. _ "

What are words? Because Keith doesn't know what the fuck is going on. Only that it feels amazing.

"I barely touched you! Barely! You were full-on spooning Shiro at one point, and you were totally fine when I woke up! I don't know what the hell is going on! It's definitely my fault, but you know, you're acting like you're high or something! Oh shit. Is that what my touch does to you?"

Lance groans, and it's a very pretty sound. Not as nice as when Lance laughs, but Lance is just generally pretty, so everything he does is either cute, annoying, or cute. Or hot. Really really hot.

"Look, Keith, I'm glad you're finally starting to appreciate my perfect body, but I'm kinda freaking out over here. Maybe get back to normal so I can slap you. But I can't slap you. Because then this will happen, and while this is cute and hilarious, I don't trust myself around a high Keith."

Pure ice lands on Keith's shoulder, and the happy, dizzy feelings from Lance's touch evaporate like fog in the sun. The cold spreads through Keith's body, and he shivers. He tries to take a deep breath, but the air is stolen from his lungs. He tries to struggle against the touch, but his body is still mostly boneless and all he can do is twitch and gasp weakly.

"Allura! Stop!"

Slowly, Keith's body begins to warm up again, and he coughs like he's spitting up water.  _ Drowning. That's what that feeling reminds me of.  _ Like he was trapped under a sheet of ice too thick to crack. Like feeling the air stolen from his lungs. He can feel the water in his lungs, constricting and weighing down his chest and-

"Keith? Talk to me here." Lance sounds worried. Why is Lance worried? Lance doesn’t give two fucks about Keith’s well-being, as he’s made clear. 

"Fine," Keith gasps. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not! You look like you almost died!" He can feel that Lance is close, but he's not touching.  _ I wish.  _ No, he doesn't.  _ But I do.  _ He can feel the fuzzy, warm, much too addicting feeling lingering slightly, but it’s mostly gone now, suffocated under the cold, distant feeling of ice and water.

"I'm alright, Lance." Keith's still breathless, and goosebumps are climbing up his arms. The cold lingers deep in his bones, keeping the pain at bay but making every movement frigid and miserable. 

"If you're sure. C'mon, let's go back to the lounge and play games. That's much more fun than sitting here where Allura can sneak up and almost kill you." Lance doesn’t sound convinced, and Keith is slightly annoyed that Lance chooses  _ this  _ moment to be perceptive and care about Keith’s wellbeing.

Keith rolls his eyes. "Allura didn't almost kill me." He hears Lance's disbelieving hum, but Keith doesn't bother looking back. He wants to curl up and die, and hopefully, Shiro is okay with Keith curling up on top of him.

God, Keith is so fucking screwed. 

* * *

  
  


Lance stares at Keith's retreating back, his feet glued to the ground. Oddly enough, his first thought is,  _ Keith thinks I'm hot.  _ Now, this is a reasonable thought. Right? Finding out your teammate and rival thinks you're attractive is a very surprising thing to happen. Absolutely. It's one hundred percent normal to feel butterflies and slightly flustered at that revelation.

Lance catches up to Keith, almost touching the Red Paladin’s shoulder, but he’s immediately reminded of just a few minutes ago when Keith was delirious on the table in the kitchen.  _ Yeah, maybe don’t do that.  _ Lance has no idea what to think about that - he doesn’t want to think about it - so he’s not going to. That is a thing to save for later. Or never.

Never works.

Does Lance’s touch really make Keith. . . basically a puddle of delirious-ness? No one else’s was that extreme. Except Allura’s, but everyone was expecting that. Allura and Keith have a horrible relationship right now, what with the whole Blade of Marmora thing a couple of weeks ago. Everyone else is mostly fine with it. Hunk and Allura are the only ones making a whole thing about it, and while Lance knows Allura is torn to hell about the destruction of her planet, it doesn’t make much sense to blame Keith for that. 

Then again, grief never really makes much sense. 

Keith and Lance both sit down in front of Pidge’s couch, staring at the video game console in front of them. Right. They have to do things together in case Keith goes all American Psycho on himself again. Just the thought of having to pry Keith’s claws away from his skin has Lance shuddering, and it looks like Keith has the same reaction.

After a long moment, Keith crosses his arms over his chest, and Lance takes that as a sign that he gets free reign of the TV. 

“So. . .” Lance starts. “You and Griffin, huh?” Lance is an idiot. Why would he start with that? Does he want to know about Keith’s relationship with James Griffin? Were they even in a relationship?  _ Why does he even care about this?  _

Keith, appropriately, groans and bangs his head against the couch behind him. “If I never see his ugly-ass face again, it’ll be too soon. We were like fifteen and he knew a guy who would give teenagers drugs.”

“Really going for that ‘bad boy’ angle, aren’t you?” Lance asks, laughing despite himself.

“Not really? I just figured that if we weren’t going to fuck, we were going to get into a fistfight. The fistfight was a lot more satisfying.” Keith rolls his eyes. 

“The drugs, Keith. I was talking about the drugs. I never want to hear about Griffin without his clothes off. Guy’s ugly enough with his clothes  _ on _ .”

“Trust me, there’s not much to look at,” Keith huffs. “But yeah, don’t trust cheap cocaine. Worst high of my life.”

Lance pauses the game, looking at Keith skeptically. “Do I even want to know how many times you went to jail for doing illegal stuff?”

The Red Paladin shrugs. “It’s only illegal if you get caught. I only went to juvie once, and that’s when I hot-wired Shiro’s car and almost drove it off a cliff because I couldn’t drive at thirteen, but whatever. He forgave me for it, and he even let me keep doing stupid shit, so we’re good.”

Damn, that’s metal as fuck. Lance should not think that is as cool as it is, but his point still stands. “I was joking, Keith. I didn’t think you’d actually been to jail. Or juvie. Whatever. That’s. . .”  _ the coolest fucking thing I’ve ever heard _ . “. . . really,  _ really  _ messed up. What kind of parents would let you do that kind of stuff?”

Keith freezes up at that. “I was. . .” There’s a conflicted, almost sad look on Keith’s face, and Lance instantly knows he fucked up. Keith  _ never  _ talks about his family, and Lance just figured he was homesick or something like Lance is. But what if Keith  _ doesn’t  _ have a family. “I was in the system. At the time. Shiro’s my official legal guardian now.”

_ Well fuck. Good job, Lance. Way to be an insensitive asshole. You’ve already ruined Keith’s life; why don’t you go and beat Keith’s emotions with a sledgehammer too.  _ “Holy fuck, Keith I’m so sorry. I swear I didn’t know and-”

“Lance, it’s fine. Shiro’s the only one who knew,” Keith interrupts. “I don’t expect you to care or for it to matter that much. I was in the system pretty much my entire life. It’s nothing new.”

The sincerity and finality in Keith’s voice has something inside Lance shrivel up.  _ But it does matter. It matters to me.  _ “Just because it happened a long time ago doesn’t mean it didn’t happen,” Lance whispers.

Keith snorts, a humorless and self-deprecating sound. “Yeah, well, it did, and I don’t care. It’s not like I knew either of my parents very well.”

“Keith-”

“Good morning, you fucks!” Pidge announces, head popping up behind Lance and Keith. Both Paladins jump, and Pidge cackles at the sight of them. 

“You guys are ridiculous,” she says. Her voice goes quiet and gentle as she turns to Keith. “How are you feeling? You scared us yesterday.”

Keith shrugs. “I’ve been better. It’s not a big deal.”

_ This self-deprecating asshole. I hate him.  _ There isn’t any fire behind the thought now, and Lance is angrier at Keith’s nonchalant attitude than he is at the guy himself. He doesn’t say anything, though. He doesn’t trust whatever’s going to come out of his mouth, and Lance isn’t completely ready to figure out what his feelings for Keith are.

Pidge smacks the side of Keith’s head - much gentler than she would normally - and says, “Idiot! It’s a super big deal!” She sighs. “Anyway, what’s the deal with the touches? I know you told Shiro already, and I want to know. I have the right to experiment with this.”

Lance zones out as Keith starts explaining about all the different reactions to touching people, instead going back to Killbot Fantasm 1, which is the best Killbot Fantasm  _ Pidge _ . He only returns to the conversation when Pidge asks about his touch and Allura’s. 

“What about them? I need all the data if I want to study this.” Pidge is definitely gentler with her approach with Keith, which Lance appreciates. The guy has to be under a lot of stress right now, even if he won’t admit to it. 

Keith scowls, an unpleasant look in his eyes. “I’d. . . It’s really intense, and one of the most unpleasant things I’ve. . . I don’t want to talk about it.”

Pidge’s eyes widen, and Lance’s heart stops in his chest. _Unpleasant. Intense._ There’s a sinking feeling in Lance’s stomach. It has to be serious if Keith is avoiding giving Pidge information. She gets crazy about withholding information. 

But this time, Pidge nods. “Yeah. Okay. That’s fine.” 

Keith huffs, and he stands up, returning to his couch with Shiro. Lance returns his eyes to the screen in front of him.

_ I knew it. Keith hates me. He’s not going to give me another chance. He won’t. Not after every shitty thing I’ve done to him.  _ And why should he? Lance is an asshole, an insensitive, rude, and egotistical asshole. Lance is a moron and has the emotional awareness of a piece of cardboard. 

_ I guess it figures that it would take Keith nearly dying for me to pull my head out of my ass.  _ And, of course, now that Lance has finally realized that he and Keith could have been friends  _ this entire fucking time,  _ he learns that Keith hates him.

_ I deserve it. After everything that happened, that I did to Keith, I deserve it. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there's Chapter 3. Bit of the calm before the storm. Chapter Four is going to be an absolute mess in the best way, and I am so excited for it. It's horrible and very very sad, but that's the baseline for my writing, so we're right on track. 
> 
> As per usual, leave any constructive criticism or things you think I can do better in the comments, and thank you for reading.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost, a little warning for self-harm for this chapter. Just avoid the first part of this chapter if you're squeamish about that stuff. 
> 
> This chapter is pretty short, but I feel like short is good for this chapter. The next one is going to pretty long, and there's not much I could add to this chapter anyway. Long chapters don't always equal good ones, so yeah. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Keith is cold. He still hasn’t warmed up from when Allura snuck up on him in the kitchen, and it’s getting worse with every breath he takes, almost as if his breath is freezing in his lungs. _If she can sneak up on me like that, I need a jacket or something._ Pidge and Lance are absorbed in their video games, so he can sneak back to his room and grab a jacket real quick. He’ll be back before they even realize he’s gone.

A while ago, Hunk and the Alteans went back down to the Monotei to work with the scientists on something. Coran had to draw some of Keith’s blood, and he hadn’t been able to sit still throughout the entire process. Allura had offered to do it, but she had been shot down _immediately._

Shiro is still asleep, somehow. Keith doesn’t blame him; he wishes he could sleep forever, but his body is demanding a jacket, and that is more important than sleep. He can sleep whenever. 

_Should pick up a nail file or something._ Maybe the Altean clippers are heavy-duty enough to cut through his Galra nails. _Alteans are super advanced. They have that kind of stuff, right?_ Maybe he can learn to retract the claws like cats can. _I can’t look like this for the rest of my life. I_ can’t _._

It doesn’t take him long to find the clippers and a file in the med-bay. Keith knew he saw Allura using them once, so he knew they were around. _These better work, or so help me god, I’ll tear them off with my teeth._ Keith could definitely go without the Galra fangs too, but he’s not going to rip out his teeth. Can he file those down too somehow?

Keith slips into his room, shivering slightly. As he digs through his closet in search of a sweatshirt, his thoughts wander back to the team. _They must be so annoyed to have to take care of me like this._ If it’s such a big inconvenience for him, it must be a hundred times worse for the other Paladins. Keith knows he wouldn’t want to take care of himself if he was in their position. 

Filing nails is always an uncomfortable process for Keith. The sound of the nail file against his nails always has shivers running down his spine, and it’s a horrible, grating sound. And don’t get him started about the whole texture of the thing. Simply clipping the nails is usually much simpler and a whole lot easier. 

Keith is, however, disgusted by the way his nails now gouge deep lines into the nail file. He fights down a growl. Nails shouldn’t be able to do that. _His_ nails shouldn’t be able to do that. _I wouldn’t even be this injured if I didn’t have these stupid claws._ He stares down at the bandages on his hands, some parts slightly pink. He knows his throat is worse, but he hasn’t been able to bring himself to look at it. 

_I did that._ I _did that._ And it had felt _so good_. He had nearly killed himself, and all he had been able to think about at the time was how good it had felt. 

_And it’s all because of these stupid fucking claws._

Keith half-expects the clippers to just bend when he tries to cut his claws with them. Surprisingly, there is actually a small dent in his claw. It probably won’t completely come off, but Keith does feel a trickle of triumph at his slight success. 

_My teeth could put a bigger- NO NO NO. I am_ not _putting my fingers anywhere near my teeth. It is_ NOT _happening._ Who knows what he would do if he put his fingers in his mouth. Would he chew them off? Mutilate his fingers beyond belief so they _have_ to be cut off? Seeing as Keith needs all ten of his fingers to be a Paladin of Voltron, he’s going to be stronger than the alien bug venom and do the smart thing.

Of course, all this only goes through Keith’s head by the time he actually has the claw between his teeth. 

And he can’t just back out now! He can be careful about this. _Just be gentle with it. You can be gentle._ But his body doesn’t listen to his brain and his head jerks to the side _hard_. There’s a flash of pain before his entire body is flooded with relief, the cold he’d come to his room to chase away running from the relief rushing through his veins. 

His forearm starts to itch, so he absentmindedly starts to scratch at it with the other hand, spitting out the hard object in his mouth. The tips of his fingers feel odd, and his ears are ringing weirdly, but the odd feeling in his fingers is replaced by _pain,_ and _pain_ is bad and he needs to get rid of it. With one arm busy, he’ll just have to use his teeth to get rid of the itching, burning _pain_. 

The ringing in his ears intensifies, but that doesn’t matter.

Nothing matters but getting rid of the _pain_.

* * *

  
  


_Keith’s been pretty quiet,_ Lance’s brain informs him randomly. But then again, Keith is always pretty quiet, and it’s not like he’d be stupid enough to go off on his own. Keith is an absolute moron sometimes, especially when it comes to his own well-being, but surely he isn’t willing to risk his _life_ to be alone.

But Keith is a very private, extremely antisocial person. He’s probably falling apart at the idea of having to stay near the team at all times, and Lance is one hundred percent sure Keith has no idea what communication is, so maybe he _is_ that stupid. Lance doesn’t blame him that much - Lance hates himself sometimes too, and Keith hates him, so he must want to avoid Lance - but he would rather Keith hate him for the rest of his life than to be dead.

Lance will admit that Keith is both attractive and more tolerable than he originally thought, and Lance _definitely_ doesn’t want Keith dead. 

“Uhhh, where’d Keith go?”

_Fuck._

“Maybe he went with Hunk and Coran planetside?” Lance offers, but the concern in his voice is obvious.

“Nah, Allura went with them, and she hates Keith’s guts.”

Lance and Pidge exchange a worried glance. “Split up and look for him,” Lance says, and Pidge nods.

“Meet back here if we can’t find him.”

 _Please don’t be dead._ Lance rushes into the med-bay, thoughts racing a mile a minute. _Where would Keith go to be alone? Training deck? Red’s hangar? His room?_ He’ll check Keith’s room first, since it’s closest. Maybe he was uncomfortable with being shirtless and wanted to put on a shirt or something, and he’s on his way back to the lounge, completely fine. That’s plausible, right?

The door to Keith’s room slides open, and Lance sees Keith sitting on the ground, back to the door. Keith turns, probably hearing the door open, and Lance’s heart stops in his chest. Keith’s entire face is covered in blood, the thick red liquid dripping down his chin and neck to run down his chest in thick, long streams. His eyes have the same lost, glassy quality they did in Green’s hangar yesterday, and the whites are slightly yellow at the edges.

 _Kitten ears._ Lance gives the Galra ears half a glance, more focused on what Keith is cradling against his chest.

He takes a step closer, but his shoe lands on something, something that crunches loudly under Lance’s foot. _Claws._ He can see them now, at least five of them, ripped out and bloody at the edges, scattered across the white floor. Tears prick at the edge of Lance’s eyes, and he turns his gaze back to Keith, almost afraid of what he’s going to see. One of Keith’s hands is cradled against his chest, the pale skin mangled and bloody, and the other is scratching absently at his forearm, the wounds deep and probably down to the bone. Keith’s ears twitch, and a soft, pained whine fills the room. When Lance doesn’t immediately respond, the sound repeats, louder this time. 

Lance couldn’t be more hurt if someone ripped his heart right out of his chest. 

It’s worse than before, where Keith had this weird, almost dreamlike quality to his movements. He said the pain had felt good, and he hadn’t once looked like he was in agony like he should have been. But now, Keith is clearly in pain, his foggy eyes desperate and his body hunched over, trying to protect itself from a blow that Keith can’t protect himself from. 

Lance swallows down his emotions and forces his feet to move. Keith whines again when Lance touches him, but Lance ignores the obviously negative reaction. He hasn’t tried to escape Lance’s grip, so that’s good enough for him. Besides, Keith needs medical treatment _now._

He rushes into the med-bay, and he has never once been more grateful for the broadcast system in the castle. Pidge modified it to work in the lounge and the med-bay as well as the bridge, so it’s a much more effective system. _“I found him. We’re in the med-bay. He’s in really bad shape,”_ Lance says over the broadcast.

Not even a minute later, Pidge and Shiro both rush into the med-bay, mirrored expressions of worry on their faces. “How bad is it?” Shiro demands, rushing up to where Lance has laid Keith out. He hasn’t moved at all, but his hand and arms are all torn to shit, and Lance doesn’t know what to do. 

Lance and Pidge slowly walk up to join Shiro by Keith. Shiro’s the only one out of the three of them that actually knows any first-aid, so Lance heads over to the space-phone. Hopefully, he can get Hunk or Coran on the line. Coran is technically the only one with actual medical training, and Lance trusts Shiro with his life, but there’s only so much Garrison first-aid is going to be able to accomplish. 

Unfortunately, Lance is not that lucky.

 _“Yes?”_

Lance pulls away from the phone, looking at Pidge desperately. “It’s Allura! What am I supposed to do?” he whisper-shouts at her.

Pidge narrows her eyes. “Ask her to put Coran on the phone. It’s not that hard.”

“Hey Princess, can you put Coran on for me?” Allura makes Lance nervous. Her attitude toward Keith is not stable and probably dangerous for Keith at the moment, so Lance doesn’t want her to know that Keith is injured. At least, not until they’ve stabilized him.

 _“Why?”_ Allura asks, voice hard. _“What do you need?”_

“There’s, uhhh, a situation back here that we need Coran for?” Lance isn’t convincing. He knows this. “I appreciate your concern, Princess, but we really need Coran.”

 _“It’s Keith again, isn’t it.”_ She doesn’t ask. It’s just a flat, cold statement, and Lance tightens his grip on the phone. 

“Maybe? It’s nothing serious! We just figured Coran would be better at gaging his wounds than any of us would be. It’s not as bad as the last time,” Lance assures, speaking way too quickly in his panic. 

_“I will be the judge of that, Lance. Hunk and Coran are busy at the moment; I will return shortly.”_ Allura hangs up before Lance can attempt to convince her to stay back planetside. 

_Anything would be better than Allura coming back to the castle._ Keith’s in a fragile state, and Lance doesn’t trust her to keep herself rational when she realizes that Keith has definitely got Galra ears. If she’s cold and distant to him without the visible Galra features, this is going to be really fucking rough. 

Lance turns back to the group, where Keith is trembling against Shiro’s broad chest. Pidge is sitting on a table across from them, and Lance walks over to join her. Everyone is tense, their attention on Keith. Keith’s new ears are flat against his head, the red tips bright against his dark hair. They’re actually really cute, and Lance will never admit that out loud. 

It’s just. . . Lance doesn’t know what he would do if Keith actually died. Keith is practically ingrained in his life now, and back at the Garrison, he would have still hated Keith and avoided him as much as possible. But Keith isn’t that stuck up, asshole pilot everyone thought he was back at the Garrison. He’s gentle and quiet, and yeah, he can be a bit of an asshole, but he doesn't really do it on purpose. 

Keith is. . . kinda cute? Only sometimes! His socially awkward ass is just too adorable to resist sometimes. How can you look at him and just think, ‘Yeah, that’s an asshole right there’? _Lance_ might have thought that a couple of months ago, but Keith is really chill. And sometimes he’s cute. But only sometimes!

 _Would Keith let me hug him?_ When this whole thing is over, Lance would like to give Keith a hug. Maybe more. Multiple hugs! Not. . . anything else. But he already knows that Keith swings that way, and Lance thinks Keith is sometimes really cute. . .

Lance shakes his head. _Keith hates me. And I’m straight. Right?_ Straight guys can appreciate a guy’s attractiveness, right? That’s a thing that can happen. It doesn’t mean. . .

_Fuck. It does, doesn’t it?_

Okay. So. Lance might like Keith. He says might because he still doesn’t know what the whole rivalry fucking thing was, but Lance. . . may not be straight. At least, not totally. Which is probably fine. _Oh god, what are my parents going to think?_ No, Lance. Don’t think about your parents right now. Keith is more important. 

You know, since he almost died for a _second time_ today. Not because Lance has a crush on him. 

_Maybe._

Lance takes a deep breath, clearing his head and trying to enjoy the silence while he still can. After all, everything is going to go to hell when Allura comes back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many WIPs right now. I don't even know if I'm going to post them all when I'm done with them, because I write a LOT. I could probably do some work for other fandoms, but I'm most comfortable writing Voltron fics. Keith acts a lot like my girlfriend, so she's a good basis to help me write for him. 
> 
> Also, Lance's bi-awakening is basically a rehash of mine, and if any of the romance stuff is weird or uncomfortable, please let me know. I'm asexual - as is my girlfriend - so I don't know much about writing 'normal' relationships.
> 
> As always, I am prepared for criticism. Please let me know if there's anything I can change/improve to make this story a better reading experience.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this one is going to get a little intense, so I'm going to put a warning for self-deprecation and suicidal thoughts. You've been warned. I cried writing this chapter, and it's a very intense chapter to me, so I would avoid it if you're sensitive to that kind of stuff. 
> 
> Keith gets to cry this chapter, and Allura is a massive bitch. If you like Allura, I pity you, because I do not and this chapter does not paint her in a good light at all.

Like before, Keith wakes in Shiro’s arms.

Like before, all Keith can feel is the ache of pain.

But now, the rhythmic beating of Shiro’s heart is deafening, echoing in Keith’s head in an instant headache. _Why is everything so loud?_ He can hear the sharp beeping of some Altean machine, along with the clamoring of voices he can’t really pick up. What’s going on? Where is he?

Someone lets out a particularly loud yell, something along the lines of “There is no cure!”, and Keith’s entire body jolts in surprise, the sound piercing his head with the intensity of being hit with a spear. A whine escapes his mouth, and Keith’s hands immediately come up to press against his ears.

Larger hands grab his arms, stopping him from moving them, and Keith blinks his eyes open, his vision hazy and painful in the light of the med-bay. He looks down at his arms, where both of Shiro’s hands are gripping at unbandaged portions of his skin.

There aren’t many of those.

His entire right hand is covered in bandages, and the rest of his arm is just as covered. His left has several patches of bandages, but all of them are pink at the center, hinting at the deep wounds underneath them. The wounds don’t feel as life-threatening as the ones on his neck, but there are so many of them; the blood loss could have easily killed him.

“Keith? Are you okay?”

Something on top of Keith’s head _twitches_ , and suddenly, everything comes rushing back. Trying to cut off his nails, ripping away at the skin and bones of his hand with his teeth, clawing at his arm while his teeth moved on to mutilate his other arm. The intense, almost insignificant ringing in his ears.

His ears.

_I have Galra ears now._

Keith slumps against Shiro, uncaring about the pain in his arms. He doesn’t want to look Galra. The nails and teeth were too much. . . How is he supposed to cope with something like this? He can’t hide massive purple ears. What is Allura going to think? She already hates him, and she’s going to go on her ‘eject Keith out the airlock’ talk this time. Keith already knows it.

The others probably can’t stand to look at him like this. They’ll probably join right up with Allura in her petition to get Keith off the castle, any means necessary. Maybe they’ll just let the venom do it’s work, all of them pointing and laughing as Keith enjoys ripping out his own organs.

Hunk would get all sick about watching Keith eviscerate himself, so Lance will shield his eyes. Pidge will probably come up with a hologram version of Keith that repeats the death over and over so they can laugh at his misery more than once. Allura would love that; she’ll love to hate him, now that he looks Galra enough for it to be noticeable to other races.

Who would want to work with a Galra anyway? Keith is Galra and he doesn’t want to work with himself most of the time. Having him on the team would probably ruin their chances with getting allies anyway. Keith should just finish the job before the rest of the team decides to do it themselves. It’d be less painful that way.

Keith’s breath hitches, and white-hot tears start flowing down his face. They feel like acid against his skin. He doesn’t want them to see him like this. He’s a traitor to the team, daring to look like a Galra and be a burden on all of them; he doesn’t deserve to cry. Crying is reserved for grieving, and Keith doesn’t deserve the opportunity to grieve over his own imminent death. The team shouldn’t have to deal with him; what importance do his emotions have anyway?

 _I don’t wanna be Galra,_ Keith thinks with a whimper. _I want to stay. I don’t want to leave. Everyone always makes me leave._

But he deserves it this time. He isn’t the angry problem child anymore. He’s a genuine threat to the team and the universe. What if the Galran blood-thirsty instincts grow in next? Now that the process has started, Keith will probably go full Galra. Are all Galra just instinctively angry? Keith’s always been a problem child, enjoying violence more than anything else.

Fighting just made the most sense. It was simple; if people wouldn’t shut up, he would shut them up.

Does that make him a bad person? It has to, right? Someone who solves all his problems with violence deserves to be left alone. Will he end up hurting the team? _Probably._ It’s in his nature after all.

_Everyone always ends up getting hurt. Everyone always ends up leaving._

Does he even deserve having them stay?

He whimpers against Shiro’s chest. His spine feels like it’s shifting, and Shiro’s touch isn’t helping anymore. Feeling Shiro’s arms around him has a sour element to it. _How can you even stand to touch me? I’m Galra. I’m the enemy._

_I don’t deserve to feel happy._

And soon, the others are going to pull the rug out from under him and tell him to leave. Just like everyone else.

 _It’ll hurt so bad_. The thought has tears cascading faster down Keith’s face, and he shamelessly buries his face in Shiro’s shoulder. He doesn’t want to think about the others watching him, watching him fall apart. They have to be judging him. Maybe they’re enjoying it, relishing in watching Keith finally break down.

Lance always thinks Keith is some stone-cold asshole that doesn’t feel things, and as much as that has hurt over the time they’ve been in space, Keith can’t bring himself to hate Lance. Lance was always happy, always had an energy to him that Keith has never had. Keith will never have the same warm, friendly aura that Lance carries around, but that can’t stop Keith from wishing he did.

 _Something in me must be broken._ It’s not an unfamiliar thought, and he doesn’t want to count the times he’s thought it, usually after a fight with Lance or seeing Shiro talk with the other Paladins. He’s different. He’s broken.

And now he’s Galra.

_No one will want me now._

The ache in Keith’s spine turns into a sharp, biting pain, and Keith shudders against Shiro. He can almost predict what’s coming. _Because the ears weren’t obvious enough._ He _howls_ into Shiro’s shoulder. There’s blood and pain and suddenly a new, sensitive appendage, and all Keith can think is-

“Cut it off,” Keith whimpers. “Cut it off. Cutitoffcutitoffcutitoffcutitoffcutitoff.”

He can’t have a tail. None of the other Galra have tails, and if he’s going to become a monster, he might as well become a monster identical to everyone else. He’s already too short to be a real Galra, so why’d he have to grow a tail too? Allura can probably spin having a tail into some kind of crime akin to satan worship.

The tail - _not his, not his, not his -_ starts to lash, and every movement of the new, fresh nerves sends a bolt of pain up his spine. He doesn’t want a tail. He doesn’t want to be Galra. He’s never been good enough, and now he’s plummeting even further into the depths of unlikeability.

Never good enough.

Too hostile.

Always picking fights.

_I just want everything to be over._

But he hears the sliding of the med-bay door and the sound of someone entering the room, and he knows that nothing can ever be that simple.

Keith is crying.

Keith. Crying.

The words don’t belong in the same sentence. It’s almost impossible to imagine, and Lance feels something inside him shatter at the sight. Keith lets out small periodic whimpers, hammering home the ache in Lance’s chest. His first thought is, _How do I fix it?_

The second: _Can I fix it?_

Keith is strong, so _so_ strong. He doesn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve Lance’s constant ridicule, and Lance can’t help but feel crushed under his guilt. _All of this is my fault._

Keith’s spine starts to writhe and shift, his black and red ears flat against his head, and Lance doesn’t brace himself in time. Keith’s howl of pain is soul-shattering; it’s broken and heart-rending. The sound jumpstarts Lance’s own tears, and he brings his hands to his mouth as a blood-soaked tail starts to twitch and move slightly. The skin of Keith’s back looks raw, and he’s covered in blood again.

Seeing Keith in pain makes Lance break inside. Hearing him cry is more painful than having someone crush Lance’s heart underfoot.

_How could I have ever hated him?_

Keith doesn’t show emotion often, but those emotions are often proven to be explosive in intensity. His pain feels strong enough to bring down mountains, and Lance still doesn’t know exactly what his feelings for Keith are, but he does know one thing.

_If something ever hurts Keith again, I will tear them apart._

“Cut it off.”

The words are whispered and clogged with tears and pain, but they’re deafening in the quiet of the med-bay. Pidge goes stiff next to Lance, and he’s glad that Hunk isn’t here. The self-loathing Lance can hear in the words physically hurts him to hear, and he can barely keep himself from crushing Keith in a hug and never letting go.

Keith keeps chanting the words, his head tucked against Shiro’s shoulder, and the weight in Lance’s chest builds with every repetition of it.

Lance wishes more than anything that he could do something to help Keith, to stop the never-ending sobs and whimpers escaping his mouth, but after the indifference he’s given to his condition for the last couple days, Lance has the feeling he needs to let everything out. Bottling up emotions is never healthy, and while crying doesn’t seem to ever have a purpose, it’s better to release those emotions in some way than keep them inside, slowly poisoning your head until you’re in worse shape than before.

After everything that’s happened, and despite Lance’s pain at seeing Keith cry, he knows this is better than Keith’s usual ‘ignore the problem until it magically goes away’ strategy.

Through it all, the team will be here for Keith.

The door to the med-bay slides open, and Lance’s stomach twists as Allura and Hunk walk in. Hunk looks horrified at the sight of Keith practically fused to Shiro’s chest, and he looks at Lance and Pidge worriedly, but Allura observes the situation with a cold, detached look. Lance is instantly reminded of the choking, wet sounds that had left Keith’s mouth after Allura touched him. Like he couldn’t breathe.

Lance can understand how that feels, now. Allura almost seems to suck the air out of the room as soon as she steps in.

“What happened?” Allura says flatly, staring at Keith with those cold, empty blue eyes.

 _Danger! Danger!_ Lance’s brain screams. Allura has never been a terrifying presence before now, and Lance is actively terrified of what she’s going to do after he explains the situation. He doesn’t want Keith to leave like Allura proposed after the truth came out at the Blade headquarters. He won’t let Allura make Keith leave.

“Keith had another episode,” Lance says, trying to remain as vague as possible. The less Allura knows, the less damage she can do to the situation. “We managed to find him before it got too serious, but he lost a lot of blood.”

Allura’s lip curls, and her eyes flick to the ears and tail. Lance’s stomach roils at the sight. “So he even looks Galran now?” She can’t hide the hatred in her words now, her normal voice twisted and tainted by a loathing that threatens to tear the team apart.

“Coran says it’s an instinctive response to his distress,” Lance explains, fighting to keep his voice level. _Keith doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment._ Allura hadn’t heard the explanation from the day before, and she hadn’t shown much interest in it after the fact.

“I see.” It’s only two words, but they’re the most frightening and chilling two words Lance has ever heard. “I was generous enough to overlook the questionable heritage of the Red Paladin-” _she can’t even say his name_ “-but having a visibly Galran Paladin is intolerable for the alliance. I’m afraid that once his condition stabilizes, we will have to return him to your planet.”

No one misses the way Keith’s body tightens into a ball against Shiro’s chest at the words, and Lance grinds his teeth in fury.

“That isn’t fair,” he insists. Keeping the anger out of his voice is becoming a losing battle. “Keith has always been our Red Paladin. He shouldn’t have to leave just because he looks a little Galra now.”

“Voltron will have a much harder time of getting allies. It is much easier to simply get rid of the problem rather than keep it around.”

 _It. The problem._ How can Allura disregard that Keith is a _person_?! Their _teammate_! He’s so much more important than a couple of allies!

Lance knows that no one wants to ally with the Galra after everything they’ve done, but Keith is a _Paladin of Voltron_. Surely that’s enough to pardon him, right? He’s fought to protect the universe from the Galra dozens of times over; he shouldn’t be kicked to the curb just because he doesn’t have the perfect parents.

Allura has every reason to hate Zarkon. He destroyed her planet and murdered her entire people. But that doesn’t mean she can just _hate every Galra in existence._ Not every stereotype applies to every person in a minority. Not all Galra are evil; the Blade of Marmora should have proved that!

“No.”

“ _What_?” Allura hisses.

“No. I’m not letting you kick Keith out,” Lance says firmly, looking Allura square in the face. “Keith is our Red Paladin, and no person in the universe is going to fit better on this team than he will.”

“The Red Lion will accept another Paladin,” Allura says coldly. “We will just have to explain that her current one is no longer suitable for the role of Paladin.”

“I didn’t know we could lie to the Lions,” Lance comments dryly, anger making his blood run hot under his skin. “Keith is perfectly capable of being a Paladin. Having space-cat ears doesn’t change the fact that he’s a valuable member of the team and the best fighter we have outside of the Lions. If anything, having Galran senses will help out on infiltration missions. The Galra strength will help with fighting too.”

“There is a reasonable-”

“No.” Lance cuts Allura off. “You don’t get to throw Keith off. We can’t replace the Red Paladin, and even if you do somehow find another pilot for Red, they sure as hell won’t be welcome here on the team. Keith is our friend and our teammate, and the team wouldn’t be the same without him here.

“ _You don’t get to treat him different just because he’s Galra_. Just because he’s not the same as the rest of us doesn’t mean we have the right to pretend he isn’t a member of the team, or that he doesn’t have feelings like the rest of us. He’s always been Galra; we can’t change that. But I don’t care. I don’t give a single fuck whether Keith is Galra or not.

“How would you like it, Allura, if I started ignoring you and disobeying your orders because you’re Altean? You can say Alteans are the victims a million times, but, by that logic, aren’t the Galra victims too? Do you think all of them want to fight for Zarkon? They have families and feelings just like us. They want to survive this war just like us. But your prejudice is getting in the way of letting us help them. Yeah, I wouldn’t want to fight for Zarkon either, but you know what Allura?

“ _They don’t have a goddamn choice_.

“They’re probably forced into the military at a young age just so they’re easier to control for Zarkon. If you want to hate Galra, fine, but don’t make it seem like they haven’t suffered just as much as the rest of us. And by god, if you try to kick Keith off this team, the rest of us are going too. We can only form Voltron as a team, and no person is going to be able to replace Keith.

“Get that shit through your thick fucking head.”

He isn’t shouting. He isn’t flushed with anger. But he’s so unbelievably angry. Lance can taste it on his tongue, feel it rushing through his veins like adrenaline.

He stalks over to the exit, shooting Allura a dark glare as he leaves. _I need to shoot something before I punch Allura’s fucking head in._

Keith is the Red Paladin, and Lance is going to do everything he can to make sure it stays that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if I went too far at any point in this chapter. I wanted to have a chapter where Keith gets to cry and release all the stress he's built up during this whole situation, along with some of his abandonment and body dysmorphia issues that come with being part Galra. 
> 
> I hate Allura's character, and she's the perfect Mary Sue in my opinion. The show would have been a whole lot better if she didn't solve everything with magic. 
> 
> Will Allura get a redemption?
> 
> No.
> 
> Mary Sues don't deserve happiness.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this chapter took way too long to come out, but I finally finished this. It's shorter than I want, but I'm never really satisfied with any of these chapters anyway. 
> 
> This chapter is a lot more fluffy than anything I'm used to writing, so if anything feels weird or reads strange, don't hesitate to politely correct me in the comments.

Keith would like to believe that the last few hours have been nothing more than a hallucination caused by blood-loss.

But nope. All of that really happened.

Shiro has long since moved them - meaning Keith and Shiro - into the lounge, and Keith sits wrapped in a massive pile of blankets just because he can. His skin feels raw in a way it never has before, like he’d rolled around in sandpaper, and the stinging, raw pain in his back hasn’t gone down at all in the. . . however long it’s been since the disaster in the med-bay.

Time has lost its flow for Keith, everything devolving into a bland expanse of nothing. He feels emotionally numb; he’s blocked out whatever Shiro’s tried to say - is still trying to say, probably. All he can really focus on is the swirling mix of confusion and pain clouding his head, trying and failing to take in what happened.

One of his ears twitches, and Keith dully registers someone else walking into the lounge. His eyes continue to drill into the table in front of him, thoughts swirling around the panic he can feel buried in his chest. Keith can’t remember the last time he had an attack like that, but another one feels ready to explode out of him.

And Keith is going to do everything he can to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Shiro gently nudges Keith’s shoulder, and Keith puts to re-tune into the room around him. After blinking a couple of times, he looks up at Lance. The Blue Paladin has a grim frown on his face - an expression that very clearly _does not_ belong on Lance’s face - but Keith can’t bring himself to care that much.

“Hey Lance,” Shiro says calmly, probably the only one not totally shaken by today. “How are the others doing?”

Lance sighs, shrugging as he collapses onto a different couch. “Pidge and Hunk went to go pick up Coran, and I haven’t seen Allura after the whole shitfest in the med-bay. Pidge and Hunk are definitely not doing well after what happened, but I don’t care what Allura is doing.”

Shiro makes a sound somewhere between annoyed and resigned. “Allura definitely. . . overstepped her authority.”

“Overstepped her authority?” Lance laughs humorlessly. “She’s a xenophobic hypocrite. You’d think she’d be more open-minded after we met the Blade, but apparently not.”

“I’m not saying Allura is right. We have to understand her point of view; would you want to forgive the race that destroyed everything you love?” Shiro asks.

_Always the middle-man,_ Keith thinks, exhaling heavily. It’s frustrating that Shiro never seems to really pick a side; he has to make everything right in the least violent way possible. Sometimes, Keith gets a real dad energy from Shiro, and he doesn’t know if he likes that or not.

“Her point of view doesn’t make any sense,” Lance huffs. Keith can’t see his face, but his voice and body language are tense, like he’s trying not to shout. “It was Zarkon that destroyed her planet. Why can’t she separate the Galra as a whole from those allied with Zarkon? It’s not that hard; we did it pretty easily.”

“There’s a lot we don’t know about Allura,” Shiro points out. “Trauma can also blur some lines, as does anger, and I know I would feel mostly the same if it was someone else who turned out to be part Galra. Trauma doesn’t make much sense, and none of us are very good at expressing our problems.”

“I don’t think we’re going to find any therapists in space.”

Shiro chuckles. “I was thinking more group bonding sessions, but a therapist would help, I suppose.”

“Yeah, like the bonding has gone _so well_ ,” Keith finds himself huffing.

“Hey! It was _one time_ and I was barely conscious!” Lance exclaims, sitting up abruptly.

“I’m just saying, _some people_ have a terrible record with the whole bonding thing.” Keith doesn’t have the energy to get into a full argument with Lance, but this feels more like teasing than an actual argument. Or maybe Keith’s brain is messing with him again, making him think that Lance actually cares about him.

“Was it really that big of a deal? I mean, if I forgot it, it clearly wasn’t that big of a moment,” Lance says, and dammit, Keith can’t help but flinch a little at that.

“It meant a lot to me,” Keith mumbles, voice nothing more than a whisper, and he half-hopes that Lance didn’t hear it.

“Oh,” Lance breathes. “ _Oh._ Holy shit, Keith I didn’t mean it like that. I just- _Fuck!_ ”

Shiro, the traitor, stands up. “This is a talk I think you two need to have in private.”

Keith’s heart roars in his ears - his new, sensitive, _Galra_ ears - as Shiro exits the lounge, leaving him and Lance alone for the first time in. . . a while. Keith’s honestly tried to avoid spending time alone with Lance. Whenever they’re alone, they end up fighting or sitting in awkward silence. Mostly fighting. And Keith really doesn’t want to fight. He’s emotionally exhausted, and everything is just _too much_ right now.

He and Lance just stare at each other for a couple of seconds, Keith doing his best to glare even though it feels like he’s going to burst into tears at any second. _It’s just the venom making me more emotional,_ he reassures himself. Nothing more. He’s overly emotional for no other reason.

It’s not like he’s upset that Lance hates him and doesn’t remember the bonding moment. It doesn’t feel like nails to his heart whenever he and Lance fight.

Not at all.

Lance swallows audibly, his eyes wild with something close to panic, though Keith has no idea what Lance could possibly be panicking about. Keith is the one who should be panicking - is almost panicking - and Keith is barely holding himself together at this point. He can only imagine what Lance is going to say, what he’ll finally give as a reason for his hate of Keith. Jealousy? _What is there to be jealous of?_ Spite? _But Lance doesn’t seem like that kind of person._ Some random incident at the Garrison where Keith pissed Lance off? _Though I never purposely pissed anyone off._

“I’m sorry,” is what Lance says instead.

“What?” Keith responds, head spinning. Didn’t Keith do something wrong? It’s always Keith’s fault that people hate him; he’s too weird or too angry or too violent. Keith is always the problem.

“I’m sorry,” Lance repeats. He licks his lips, voice trembling slightly as he continues. “For being an asshole to you all this time. I. . . I don’t really know why I did it, but I was a real shitty person to you this entire time, and I’m sorry. I-I should have realized this a couple of months ago, and I feel horrible that the time I realize I don’t actually hate you is when you almost die. That makes me such a horrible person, and I completely understand why you hate me.”

“I hate you?” Keith says, a little hysterical. _What. The. Hell._ This is the exact opposite of what Keith was expecting. _Did I hit my head on something?_ “Me. I hate you.” What a ridiculous fucking concept, really. “You think that I hate you,” Keith repeats one more time, looking Lance square in the face.

“That’s the impression I got, yeah,” Lance mutters. “You don’t have to rub it in.”

Keith wants to laugh hysterically like some sort of cartoon villain. He doesn’t, but it’s a close thing. “Good lord, you’re an idiot,” Keith says dryly, somehow too exhausted to roll his eyes properly. “I don’t hate you.” A world where Keith hates Lance doesn’t exist, and if it does, Keith will go there and burn it to the ground.

“You don’t,” Lance states flatly. “Really?”

“You make that sound like it’s hard to believe.”

“I just. . . don’t understand. I was a horrible person to you. You have every right to hate me.”

Keith scrounges up the energy to roll his eyes from reserves he didn’t even know he had. “Oh, yeah, you were a complete dick. Still are, probably, but I guess you’re likable enough to make up for it. Besides, I’ve known a lot of worse people; you would have to do a lot to make me actively hate you.”

“But you’re always angry. And we fight all the time. And-”

“One, I’m a socially awkward moron. Two, you always start those fights. And three, shut the fuck up. I think you’re a good person-” _what an understatement_ “- underneath all of that stupid flirty facade you put up constantly.”

Lance’s mouth drops open almost comically. “Who are you and what have you done with my Mullet?”

Keith sighs. “I hate the nicknames, though.”

Lance’s lips twist up into a grin - _oh no, that’s really cute_ \- as he says, “My nicknames are amazing. Mullet is my favorite. It just sums up your personality so perfectly.”

“How nice. My entire being is summed up by my hair. Does that mean you’re boring and plain?” Keith huffs.

“Hey! I put a lot of work into my hair, thank you! It’s the softest hair in the universe, and if I had any hair products, you would eat your words, space cat!”

“You can’t eat words, Lance. They’re words. And how am I a space cat? Can’t you call me an alien? At least that makes sense.”

Lance barks out a laugh. “Really? _That’s_ your defense? The Galra are _space cat aliens_ and you’re trying to convince me you’re not a space cat? Sweetheart, look in the mirror. It’s clear as day.”

“Sweetheart,” Keith says flatly, furiously fighting down a flush. _Sweetheart?!_ Keith’s brain screams. _What the hell?! Is he_ trying _to kill me?!_

“Woah, Keith, you almost emoted there. Be careful, you wouldn’t want to convince me that you’re _not_ an alien.”

“I have plenty of emotions,” Keith mumbles.

“Is apathy an emotion?” Lance asks teasingly. Lance lets out a long breath. “Look, I’m sorry for all the stuff I did. I shouldn’t have done it, and I want to start over.”

“Start over?” Keith repeats, tilting his head slightly.

“Yeah,” Lance says quietly. He extends his hand. “Hi, I’m Lance McClain, Paladin of Voltron and all-around awesome dude.”

Keith chokes on a laugh. “Really?” he snickers. “That’s so cheesy.”

Lance looks torn between annoyed and amused. “I’m glad you find my attempts at bonding amusing.”

“My bonding moment was better,” Keith says seriously. “There was cradling involved. Totally worth remembering.”

Lance sighs. “I’m never going to live that down, am I?”

“As if I’d let you.”

“You know, I really didn’t peg you as the type of person to hold a grudge.”

“Only when it’s important.” Keith yawns, eyelids drooping. He’s exhausted, and fighting off sleep is too much work. Maybe if he falls asleep Lance will take over sleep-touch duty. That would be nice. He’d sleep so great.

_That sounds so great. . ._

Okay.

Well.

That happened. And there is a lot to absorb about today. One, Allura is a shitty person. Two, never make Keith cry _ever._ Three, Keith decidedly _does not_ hate Lance, for some reason. Four, Keith is adorable when he yawns. He radiates the same energy as a sleepy kitten and it’s _fucking adorable._ Five, Keith is fucking adorable.

So when Keith basically passes out on the couch opposite him, Lance has to fight moving to sit beside him. No matter how much Keith probably - maybe? - likes Lance, his reaction to Lance’s touch genuinely scared him, and he doesn’t want to accidentally hurt him. He’s already done that more than enough.

Instead, Lance gets up and waves Shiro back into the room. He’s glad that Shiro didn’t actually go that far; none of them are willing to leave Keith alone. Ever. The horrific events of this morning hammered that in real hard.

Leave it to Keith to wander off on his own when being alone will literally kill him. As Lance gets comfortable on his couch across from Shiro and Keith, he can’t help but watch Keith’s gentle breathing. His heart still hasn’t calmed down after this morning; watching Keith almost die in front of him is never going to become easy. He’s a teammate, a. . . friend?

_Are Keith and I friends?_ A few weeks ago, Lance would have shot down the idea immediately. He has absolutely no idea how to classify him and Keith now. Keith has apparently never seen Lance as a real rival, so that’s out the window now - though Lance thinks that’s probably for the best. Does teammates even completely cover everything that Keith and Lance are?

Lance has been fighting alongside Keith - hell, they’re rarely apart from each other. How has Lance never noticed this before? - for a huge amount of time now. If he hadn’t been forcing this rival role onto Keith the entire time, would they have been friends? Are they friends now? How does this work? How do you go from hating someone and everything they do to being kinda close to them and actively worrying about their safety?

_D-Did I ever really hate Keith?_ Lance wonders, staring at the sleeping boy across from him.

Keith is. . . Keith is a lot of things. He’s strong. He fights really really good. He’s a stubborn piece of shit literally _all of the time_. Keith is always putting on this cold, tough guy front, but he’s actually really soft and gentle sometimes. But only if you look for it. Keith is all sharp edges; he almost reminds Lance of glass, able to cut you, but you have to break him first. Whoever thinks Keith is actively hostile isn’t seeing Keith for what he is. He’s only hostile when there’s a reason.

_How could I have not seen this before?_

Lance doesn’t realize that he’s been absently staring at Keith’s adorable sleeping face until Shiro clears his throat.

“You stare any harder and there’s going to be a hole in Keith’s head,” Shiro jokes.

“Sorry. Just thinking,” Lance says quickly, face heating as he jerks his gaze away from Keith.

“It’s not a problem,” Shiro assures. “I’m glad that you two are getting along.”

“Does Keith ever. . . talk to you about me?” Lance asks. “Like, complain about me. I- We talked but I don’t know what to think.”

Shiro smiles, a patient, dad-like smile that makes Lance feel weirdly warm inside. “Lance, do you want to be friends with Keith?”

“Umm, what?” What does that have to do with Lance’s question?

“Think about it. Do you want to be friends with Keith?”

“I- Yes?” Lance says, trying to wrap his head around it. How is he supposed to explain the whirlwind of emotion he’s feeling? It barely feels like he understands it. “I don’t want him to hate me, but it already feels like I’ve fucked that up.”

“Keith doesn’t hate you. I know that he will give you a chance to make up for whatever has been going on between the both of you the last few months. The fact that you want to make up for what you’ve done is more than enough to help mend whatever rift is between you.”

“But-”

“Lance, being confused about your feelings is not new for anyone. What you’ve done can be seen as horrible, yes, but both you and Keith are young and still figuring everything out. These kinds of things happen. I’m more than happy to support both of you in this.”

“Are you sure? What if I mess it up again? I don’t know what to do,” Lance admits, slightly panicked at the idea of messing up with Keith _again_.

Shiro chuckles. “That’s good, Lance. You don’t want to mess up. Go into this looking for a friendship with Keith, and that’s what you’ll get. Keith is very easy to get along with once you get around his prickly exterior.”

Lance exhales. “So, Keith doesn’t hate me?”

Shiro shakes his head. “No, Lance. Keith doesn’t hate you.”

“Thank you, Shiro. This. . . This really helps,” Lance says, smiling a little despite himself. It’s weird how much a simple conversation can help with feelings, especially detangling those feelings.

“It’s not a problem, Lance,” Shiro says warmly. “I’m glad that you trust me enough to speak with me about this. It means a lot.”

A dark glint enters Shiro’s eyes. “But if you hurt Keith again, I _will_ make you regret it, understand?”

“Y-Yes, sir!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my life has not been great lately, and while writing is my best way of venting these feelings, I have a severe commitment issue, and it's taken a lot of work to come back to this story. I know it's only been three months since I updated this, but it feels like nearly three times that for me, and I love writing. This story is something that I'm incredibly passionate about, but my life has turned into an absolute nightmare in the last few months. 
> 
> Short story short, if the next chapter takes forever to come out, I haven't forgotten about this story and I will likely update it in the future. I just need to wade through my myriad of mental and emotional issues before I can get into the write headspace to write. 
> 
> As always, please comment on any criticisms in the comments. I would love to make my writing better, and please let me know how I can do that.


End file.
